My recent visit to hospital and the roller coaster ride of if’s and but’s from one report to another has taught me a lot. Most importantly lets not take our health for granted and that there are few people who will always stand by you – treasure them.
The 5 days of hell in the hospital was not due to fear of unknown, I am not scared to die ( though there was a moment I was scared for my mother if I did), apart from that there was more of a childish worry – fear of pain, physical pain. I have a very high threshold for it, but somehow when body is weak, even the strength to take in pain goes down, that is the reason when my friends visited me, they found me crying in the hospital bed , yes, I was alone crying like a baby – for my hands were swollen with the needles and the bubbles that went in through the drips, it hurt like a mother f***r
It all started with mild fever and zero appetite, when I had not eaten a single grain for about 5 days it was thought best to get to hospital. Who knew that a silly fever will end up in shockingly acute Hepatitis and fear of tumor. There began the journey of if’s and but’s – doc’s found a tumor leading to series of painful test and reports and then further tests. With each report my brother would call me and reassure “don’t worry – don’t take tension” and I only knew he was saying this to himself – being in medical field for over a decade he exactly knew what those reports meant.
Painful needles inside me, and nurses struggling to find my veins to put them in (ya they say my veins are like baby’s – thin and tough to find – funny) and in the struggle to insert it – ample blood shed. I could see the amount of blood I lost on my best friends face–it wasn’t easy on him not just to look at me bleed like that but also with my nails piercing deep in his hands every time they did it (and they did that a lot ) – he just stood still.
I wish there was a substitute to the process of CT and MRI scans. The contrast they inject in your veins while you are in the machine – ohhhhhh lordddddd not only the pain of medicines flowing through your hands to legs and everywhere kills you – you also remember doc’s command not to move and follow their instructions of – breath in – hold breath and breath out– are you f***g kidding me???? But you want to go through this hell only once hence you somehow gather courage and do what is required — only to know later , if they find something not so pretty in the scan they follow it up with another equally painful one in 24 hrs – what the hell they did. They found a lesion !!!
Next day outside the procedure room I somehow lost all my courage and did something I regret doing. I called up my mom and cried to her over the phone. I sobbed telling her about the hell that was waiting for me behind those doors, and that she should pray to God to have it easy on me. I knew she too was crying. Bad move.
A day later, when the doc’s came back with results saying the lesion they found was benign and I just have to deal with Hepatitis – I took it with open arms. Though the severe condition that I was and still am in is not a joke – but its all relative right ? I just escaped fear of a tumor – biopsy – surgery and who knows a transplant – why wont I take Hepatitis smilingly ???
Times like these wake you up to some facts.
I take care of my health in general – hmm eating habits not that great but I do exercise and try keep myself fit, don’t abuse my body, am teetotaler vegetarian , but clearly need to do more.
Few of my colleges visited me – not because I am their colleague – but for they care for me and love me as a friend. What do I say?
And then, I realized that there are some people around me who love more than expected – I always knew family did – but what I saw my friends do for me was commendable. Taking me from hospital to hospital for admission– help take me to washroom when I could not walk, bringing food home for a week, being there for anything that I needed. I loved them already but after this something has changed – I don’t know what – my eyes are getting moist just writing this…I must have done something right to deserve them.
Then there is my best friend for about 2 decades. He does not say much (has he ever? ), but silently, continuously and endlessly takes care of me. We may live far but I know when I need someone he will be the first one to show on my doorstep. What more do I say about someone I had been counting on since my teenage days
I want to count my blessings at this stage and thank god for what and who I have in my life. I always look at the positives and in this time of adversity as well, I don’t want to look at disappointments or downs that I may have had, but look at the blessings which overshadow all the lows. And once again thank the almighty for loving me the way he does.